Cowboy Take Me Away
by X-Jazzlife-X
Summary: In the steady gaze of a horse shines a silent elagance that speaks of love and loyalty, strength and courage.It is the window that reaveals to us how willing his spirit, how generous his heart.Jasper lives for this feeling.Can he find it in someone else?
1. Chapter 1

_Hello fellow fictioners! Yes, another story..._

_ONWARD!_

**Preface**

The feeling of being connected to another being so closely can only be described with one word: freedom. The feeling of breathing as one; moving as one; together you can do anything you want, achieve any destination you set your sights on. The time spent together is never wasted; always moving forward, always away from the everyday mundane existence. We share our dreams, our joys, our sorrows, grief and heartache. Having that one other spirit, that soul that fits so perfectly with your own is like nothing else in this universe.

_There is no secret so close as that between a rider and his horse._

_In riding a horse we borrow freedom._


	2. Chapter 2

_I'd like to establish that this story is **slash. **I own nothing that belongs to SMeyer, I only reserve the right to play with her characters..._

_Ye' been warned..._

_ONWARD!_

* * *

As the Chevy rounded the last curve of the road before the ranch came into sight, Jasper steeled himself against what he was about to do. He had never left any of his horses in someone else's care before; he always had a barn to himself. Thinking of his appaloosa mare in the trailer behind him he just had to smile, _we'll give it a try darlin'_.

Jasper stopped at the end of the drive to double check the address and admire the scene. The mailbox read SWAN C. & B., the large gate was open and the even bigger arch was marring the clearest blue sky he had ever seen. With one long sweeping glance, Jasper took in the endless green, the rolling pastures, fences and the gentle rainbow of horses that munched contentedly while swishing their tails in the morning sunshine.

Finally, after a banging and impatient whinny from the trailer did Jasper turn into the drive. It was a fairly long laneway with tall trees lining each side. He passed the house and just before the barns did he notice a hand painted sign in black and gold: **It is not enough for a man to know how to ride; he must know how to fall.** This startled Jasper for a moment; it reminded him of something his mama would say. The thought was lost when a gentle tap on his window startled him again. He could see the lips moving but couldn't hear the words. Jasper rolled down his window with an apologetic smile, the man that stood there had the widest grin he'd ever seen under a thick moustache.

"Just talking to your horse, I suppose you are the new boarder?"

Before Jasper had a chance to answer he noticed in his mirror a very familiar shape sticking out of the trailer. "Damn it!" He flung his door open and could have sworn the damn horse winked at him. "She always somehow turns around in there, even when she's hooked up!" As if answering him she neighed into his palm and nosed around for treats.

Completely lost in the moment with his best friend they both started when the man spoke again, "I'm Charlie Swan by the way. I own this ranch and most of the land on the south side of the road. Now, I don't mean to start nagging you already but, maybe you should get down to the barn and get her off that trailer to make sure she didn't hurt herself when she turned." Jasper gave the mare one last pat and jumped back into the truck.

He thrust his arm out the window and introduced himself, "Jasper Whitlock, sir. Don't worry about the naggin' I appreciate your concern." Charlie gave a half smile while taking in Jasper's name but didn't say anything about it. Just the way he liked it.

With the handshake and formalities out of the way Jasper headed for the last barn on the left as instructed on his directions. They even had a map of the barn and stall indicator for him. It seemed rather quiet out front by the house, but once you got past the silos and hay barns the place was bustling.

Throwing the truck into park for the second time, he reached behind the seat and grabbed the extra lead rope he kept. As he left the cab he could feel the hot stares of the many riders that moved around the yard. He didn't care though, he didn't care what they thought; his mama always said it was what your horse thought of you that mattered the most and they don't really care anyway. _I'm sticking to it mama, I'm really trying._ With a practiced ritual Jasper clipped the lead to the mare's halter, unhooked the clips from the ramp and lowered it with ease.

He led the horse down the ramp, her ears pricked, listening to the new surroundings. "This is your new home, darlin'." With quiet whispers of promised treats, Jasper looked over his horse for any injuries or heat and found nothing alarming. With a clean bill of health and a pat on her neck Jasper was satisfied, "Silly mare, one of these days you're gonna' hurt yourself. Then what would I do with you? I can just see you know hobblin' down this ramp on three legs."

"Let's hope that never happens."

The voice came from behind, spooking Jasper for a third time that day. _Get a hold of yourself man!_ He turned to find a girl, woman, standing a few feet away holding an English saddle and a bridle. "I'm just in between lessons right now, I can show you to your stall." With that she turned on her heel and marched off.

"Well, good mornin' to you too." He clucked to the horse and they were off, following the un-introduced woman.

The barn smelled like home: sweet hay, grain, leather and that clean smell only created by a freshly groomed horse. It had big stalls, soft bedding and lots of hay and water. _I like this place already._ The design of the building was a sort of off center H; there were two rows of eight stalls, a large walkway connecting the two aisles, a huge tack room with an array of equipment and Jasper's favorite part: great windows. He'd been in barns before when sometimes the only time a horse got to see sunlight was when they were ridden or turned out. His mare's stall just happened to be the corner stall with two windows. The barn also had nice big doors that were all wide open letting the breeze blow through.

The woman had stopped in front of the stall and allowed Jasper to take the horse in and settle her down, letting her have a rest after the long trip. She sniffed around and munched on the hay that was already there. To his surprise the woman had disappeared but left a couple carrots sitting on the ledge. "Thank ya' ma'am! Jakkar appreciates the house warming."

"No problem, her name is Jah-car? I've never heard anything like that before." The woman popped out of the stall across from his no longer carrying the tack.

Jasper slid out of the stall, closing the door behind him on a protesting Jakkar. "I don't have any more treats darlin', you'll just have to wait till I get some!" Turning towards this still unknown person he pulled out a name plate from his back pocket, "No, me neither. I have no idea what it means; her registered name is Jakkar's Tempting Fascination, my mama named her." With a sigh he placed the name plate in the frame on the stall. "I never got to ask her what it meant."

"Hey," she elbowed him in the shoulder, "I'm Bella, Bella Swan. Like I said I'm between lessons right now, I was just about to go for a ride; did you want to come along? You could borrow one of our horses."

Jasper was in a melancholy, "Jasper Whitlock, ma'am. And I don't think so. But thanks, I think I'll just settle all my stuff before I go off gallivanting. You have a good ride though." She turned away from him to go back to her horse's stall. "Hey, you're Charlie's…?"

"I'm his daughter, who would rather muck out a barn than clean her own room. I shouldn't be too long. If you're still around when I get back I could give you a tour?" She hoped he would be. There was something familiar about him; she could just tell he would be easy to get along with. He was also very attached to his horse. While she finished tacking up for her ride, she couldn't help but hear him talking to the mare while he brushed her down with his hands.

"Mama would be proud of us Little One, but I guess you ain't little no more though. She'd still be naggin' at me though, 'Jasper, you fill that trough! Jasper, go feed the ponies and don't go near the stallion! Leave that mare alone, you hear?' She was always tryin to keep me safe, keep me away from pa's lifestyle. But it couldn't be done. I remember your mama, she was tall. Do you remember mine?"

"Does she ever answer you?" Bella could see the blush on his cheeks from being overheard.

"All I pay my psychiatrist is the cost of feed and hay, and she'll listen to me any day. So, yeah, she does answer me. It may be in a language no one else can understand but she gets the point across." Jasper watched as she led the bay horse out of his stall and outside where she mounted up and took off. He turned to Jakkar, "It's just you and me now partner."

Jasper went back outside and moved the trailer out of the way, some people waved and others completely ignored him. He couldn't help but notice that all of the riders here rode English. It took him a few trips back and forth to bring all his tack and grooming equipment into the barn; over the many years of owning horses he had built up a collection. Jasper preferred to ride western; it was so much more comfortable on those long rides so you could sit back and enjoy yourself. He threw the saddle he had custom made for Jakkar onto one of the top racks to leave the bottom ones open for others. The tack trunk was harder to place being almost four feet long; it ended up on the other side of the room in an open spot beside a similar trunk with an elegant B. S. on the front.

Digging out some brushes Jasper went back to Jakkar's stall to give her a proper grooming. Telling himself that he wasn't waiting for Bella.

* * *

_There ya'll have it. Let me know if this should continue, it's a story line that I'm really enjoying. _

_Jazz_


	3. Chapter 3

_Here's chapter 2...  
The song is by The Dixie Chicks._

_ONWARD!_

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 2**

Bella couldn't help but giggle to herself as she followed the well worn trail back to the barn; she had never met anyone like Jasper before. When she was first informed that a Whitlock would be boarding a horse at Freedom Acres she was a little bit skeptical. She knew just from the horsing world that his father was a big-time rodeo cowboy; he was injured almost fatally in some equally big-time rodeo stunt. From the gossip she heard around the barns, Marcus, Jasper's father never recovered. His other family members weren't much better.

She shook her head of all the silly gossip that she never really listened to. By now she was back at the barns, but not ready to get off yet. Bella had a soft spot for jumping, so when she saw that the arena was still set up with a moderate course from the previous lessons she took that opportunity to use the unoccupied space.

Her horse, Nahvar, was a very good jumper. He could be stubborn as hell some times but he was loyal to her and she trusted him. Bella just had to smile as she took a combination with ease. Rounding the corner she switched leads and pushed the gelding over the oxer on the diagonal; as they were cantering along the rail she noticed a head of blond curls, "Jasper! Are you all settled in?"

Jasper had to hand it to Bella, she was a great rider. The way she began and her horse ended; both of them acting as one over the jumps. The smile on her face gave away just how much she enjoyed jumping. Some part of Jasper always wanted to try other riding styles but when you grew up in a western household, you didn't stray far from home.

Bella's horse was puffing after the round of jumps, "Did you want to give me a few minutes to cool him off then we can go and explore?"

"Yeah, I'll walk with you." Jasper moved into the ring and gave the big bay a pat on the neck. "I think we're settled. Jakkar seems happy enough." They started walking the perimeter of the arena one on each side of Nahvar. "So, what do you do here? You're Charlie's daughter, that's all I know."

"I've lived here all my life, sort of grew with the farm. This place used to be twenty acres; now I don't even know how many acres Charlie owns. We always focused on horses up until a few years ago and Dad started with the cattle. He called it his 'hobby', but the herds grew and grew until he had to do something with them. That's where the Cullens come into play, they look after the cattle part and Charlie works the riding program.

"I teach lessons. I can't even give you an estimate of how many riders and horses have come through these stables. My mom breeds Morgans; she also called that her 'hobby'. That was the first barn you passed, the second is for all the boarders and the third is for the lesson horses. Our barn is for the family horses." Jasper opened his mouth to ask why his horse was intruding, but was cut short when someone yelling got Bella's attention.

"BELLA!" The horse pricked his ears to find the source of the racket. Bursting through the doors to the arena a young boy covered in dust slowed only to not spook the horse, "Bella," He stopped to catch his breath, "Bella, Charlotte, the mare she's colicing! We just got her up out of the field she was rolling violently; rubbed the hair right off her rump. Your mom doesn't know what to do, she told me to come and get you."

"Okay, Ty, listen carefully. You need to keep her walking until I can get up there. Don't let her lie down." Bella was calm as she issued the instructions. "I need to put Nahvar away."

"Don't worry about it." Jasper grabbed the reins from Bella's hand, "I know where his stall is. I can put him away; you go now and help the mare. Call your vet too."

Bella speed walked away, throwing a thank you smile over her shoulder for Jasper. At least her mother had enough sense to come and get her. Too bad all the horse sense was with the horses.

Nahvar was a gentle gelding; he didn't seem to be in a rush to get anywhere. As Jasper walked him back to the _family _barn he wondered why they supplied a stall there for him instead of in the boarding barn. He could think of only a few reasons why: there weren't any stalls open in the boarding barn or because they wanted to keep an eye on him. Jasper hoped it was the simple reason.

As Jasper removed the horse's bridle he started talking to him, "You and Bella make a great team. She really looked like she enjoyed jumping." Jasper patted down the geldings neck and started unbuckling the girth. "I can tell you like it just as much; all eager to jump higher than necessary." The English saddle weighed nothing in his hands as he grabbed the wedge and pad before it hit the stall floor. "But you mister, have a wild streak in you. Just that little bit of stubbornness that all Morgans have. If you didn't want to jump, no one could make you, that's for sure." He finished by giving Nahvar a quick brush, "Sorry son, I don't have no treats for you. Bella has them hidden somewhere."

"Bella, what's going on in the Morgan barn? Is there something wrong with Charlotte?" An unfamiliar male voice approached through the open door before he was surprised to see that Jasper wasn't Bella. "What are you doing in here? Who are you?"

Jasper's words stuck in his throat as he took in the appearance of the man now standing in the doorway of the stall. Quickly to recover, he didn't think the other guy noticed his hesitation, "Which do you want me to answer first? About the mare, what I'm doing or who I am?" Jasper smirked for effect seeing the other man looking him up and down.

"This isn't your horse; you have no right to be in here. Why are you carrying tack?" Jasper couldn't take anymore questions.

"My name is Jasper Whitlock, Bella is in the Morgan barn because the mare, Charlotte, is colicing, and I told her I would put Nahvar away so she could go up to help. No, this isn't my horse, but I do have a right to be in here because I was _un-tacking _him for her. Now, I would have this put away but you are still standing in the doorway." Jasper cracked a big toothy grin so not to come across as rude. At the same moment the man moved out of the way a breathless Bella came around the corner.

"Oh, hi Edward. Jasper, do you know anything about horse colic? The vet can't get out here for another hour." She was pleading with her eyes for him to know something, anything that could help her.

"My uncle was a vet, I could maybe help. I'd have to see her though." She grabbed the tack out of Jasper's hands and thrust it towards Edward.

"Could, you put this away for me, you know where it goes. And it you have time, come to the Morgan barn, if she goes down again we'll need all the muscle we can get." Bella brushed past the two guys and gave Nahvar a pat and a kiss on the nose. She whirled on her heel and grabbed Jasper's arm to get him to follow.

Charlotte was getting worse, "We think she started in the middle of the night. When she didn't come in for morning feed, Ty went out to look for her and found her thrashing on the ground. We've had colic here before but this is the worst I've ever seen" Jasper took in the sight of the mare; she was sweating and all the dirt from her rolling was caked on, she was breathing fast and throwing her head around towards her flanks, and she had a look in her eye. Jasper had seen that look before. So, he turned on auto pilot so he wouldn't remember where he saw that look before and started asking questions.

"Has anyone taken her vitals yet?"

"No."

"Okay, her pulse should be between twenty-six and forty beats per minute, but you can already tell it will be higher and her temp is likely going to be around one-oh-one point four or higher. By how much will tell us how bad she really is. How long have you been walking her?"

"About thirty minutes, but she would stop and try to roll every five."

"Did the vet tell you anything that you should do while waiting for them?"

"Just to not give her anything until he gets here."

Charlotte gave one last thrash of her head and Jasper could almost watch in slow motion as her knees gave out. From the corner of his eye he also caught the movement of the kid, Ty. It looked like he was going to try and catch the mare just out of instinct, but Jasper grabbed the kid by his shoulder and hauled him backwards out of the way just in time.

The mare hit the ground with a thump. He heard two female gasps from behind him and turned towards them. There was Bella and who he assumed to be her mother. Charlie was on the other side of the woman holding her up. He also took that moment to look around at the crowd that had gathered. Edward had joined by now and was rubbing Bella's shoulder. Ty looked at Jasper for a minute with a look of utter desperation, Jasper swallowed hard. He again felt the hot stares of all the people.

"Charlie, sir, do you think we could lose the crowd? Give the mare some space." The older man started speaking to the group and they all dissipated. Jasper moved down to his knees in front of Charlotte taking her head on his lap so she wasn't breathing in dirt.

Then Edward opened his mouth again, "Are you an idiot? What are you doing? She needs to get up and move around! You're going to get yourself killed by sitting there." Jasper tried to not raise his voice as to not startle the horse.

"No, I won't because if you opened your eyes you could see that her movements aren't as frantic anymore. She's exhausted. If she tries to move you'd be able to see it coming from a mile away. Walking will only weaken her more; if you start to move her again she won't have any energy left to even try coming back from this. As long as she doesn't try to start rolling we can let her rest."

Bella came up beside Jasper and sat in the same fashion so she could stroke the mare's face. "Her temperature is one-oh-three five, what does that mean?" Her eyes were filling up with tears and her bottom lip was quivering. Jasper didn't know how he was supposed to tell her. If a horse's temp was much higher than the norm, it could be fatal. To top it off, Charlotte had been in pain for hours. The longer colic was left, the worse it got, and the harder it was to save the horse. He decided for himself he would let the vet tell her the answer; he couldn't do it.

Ten minutes had moved by in a silent, sluggish pace. Bella tried as hard as she could to not cry but it wasn't working. Just then Charlotte lifted her head and Jasper pulled Bella to her feet. "She might try to get up or start to roll again." His voice was soothing in its tone. To no avail the mare kicked her legs underneath herself and tried to roll. The three guys that were standing motionless a moment ago were all moving in, but Jasper shooed them away. Bella shot her dad a look, trying to convey that he should trust this new person.

Watching in awe as Jasper worked some kind of magic she moved away to give him room. She watched and listened as he started whispering complete nonsense to her. With the lead rope in his right hand, he moved beside her now still body. He tugged on the rope and clucked for her attention; he ran his free hand down her side all the way to her flanks. He grabbed her tail and gently tugged on both it and the rope. To everyone's amazement she lifted herself to her feet and stood on shaky legs.

Jasper had a small smile on his lips as the mare snorted and started motioning towards her belly once again. The five faces of his audience were all looking at him wonder. Ty was the first to say anything, "How did you do that? It took me and Charlie to get her up the first time!"

Jasper blushed a little and said the only thing he could think of, "I just asked her. You either asked the wrong question or asked the question wrong."

All six of them turned toward the sound of tires on the gravel. Carlisle Cullen was the local vet and Charlie's business partner. He recognized his son right away, Edward, and of course Charlie, Bella, and Renee. He could also recall the young stable hand Ty; he was a shy kid, kept to the horses. There was another face that he had never seen before but seemed familiar; he pushed that thought to the back burner for now.

Bella rushed up to the vet and surprisingly gave him a hug. "Thank you for coming on such short notice, Carlisle. I knew it was your day off but, there was nothing else we could do without your help." She rambled while Carlisle waved her off.

"You know I'm always on call. It's no trouble when someone needs my help. So, this is the patient?" The doctor moved to the mare's side and used his stethoscope to listen to her stomach. Jasper was absentmindedly running his hand over her side, "Excuse me, son." He moved out of the way quickly. "She has no gut sounds at all. From what you told me over the phone this has been building since the middle of the night. So that gives it about, say, six hours of build-up time. Her intestinal functions could have shut down by now. I'm going to give you two and a half options: the first is to get her to the horse hospital a county over for immediate surgery; she has been thrashing and rolling for at least three hours making the risk of twisted intestines higher or you could euthanize her now and put an end to her pain."

Jasper spoke up for the first time since the vet had gotten there, "You said there was a half option, you're not considering letting this go on longer?"

"You are right about that being the other option but, that was not how I was going to put it across. Yes, you could choose to leave her untreated with a shot of Bute for the pain but I do not recommend or wish that to be your decision." He gave Jasper a pointed look. "I don't believe I know you. I'm Carlisle Cullen." Jasper shook the hand that was offered.

"Jasper Whitlock, sir, I didn't mean to offend you but I wouldn't even have considered that an option." The man standing before Jasper looked familiar.

"Well, I guess I can respect that, son." The doctor turned from Jasper and walked over to where Renee and Charlie were standing, "You have your options, I'll give you both and Bella a moment to discuss what you wish to do. I do implore that the decision is made fast though."

Jasper continued to talk to Charlotte. He already knew what the outcome was going to be: she would be put to sleep. Colic is and will always be the number one natural cause of death in horses. She was too far gone to make any kind of recovery. So, he made it his mission at this point to make these last few moments as pleasant as possible for her. He scrubbed her forelock and itched behind her ears, he started finger combing her long mane, rubbing down her neck in a circular motion to calm the now shivering mare.

He was pulled from the quiet when Bella started speaking forcefully towards her mother, "What do you mean 'she'll pull through'? Come on, be reasonable, you know as well as I do that what is best for that horse is to euthanize her, NOW! Don't let her suffer anymore."

"Renee, I think Bella is right. Do you know how much a surgery like that would cost? And the travel costs on top of it. Honey, she's eighteen years old. It's not like we're giving up on some three year old. How many foals has she given us? She's fulfilled her purpose, now it's her time." Charlie didn't look like the type of man to cry in public but he was pretty damn close.

Carlisle stepped in with a solemn look and silently asked the question. Renee wasn't done though, "Of course! Both of you gang up on me; I'm sorry I believe that she should have her chance to live…"

As the words left her mouth, Charlotte heaved and fell roughly to the ground. Jasper had to try very hard not to go back in memory to that night; just like the look in the mare's eye, he'd seen what was about to happen so many years ago.

"Someone go get some saddle pads or blankets or something soft, she's gonna' start thrashing and hitting her head off the ground." Jasper's voice was no longer calm. He was having trouble now with flashbacks. Everyone was just staring at him like he was the one throwing himself on the ground, "Do something!" Edward took off into the barn after Carlisle spoke to him. "Mrs. Swan, I'm very sorry ma'am but this mare is way too far gone to be saved. If you had any love for this horse you would be telling that doctor there to prepare what is necessary." His voice shook and cracked the more he spoke. He looked for Bella, willing her to understand.

Then it started. Edward returned just in time to throw the blankets at Jasper, who quickly placed them under the mare's head as she started to lift it. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see, but was assaulted with images from his past instead. "Charlie, sir, I think you should take your wife and daughter away so they don't have to see. Or tell Dr. Cullen to get the damn Euthensol in the syringe. I don't think you want the memory of a horse pounding its own head into the ground." Renee turned and walked away with Charlie. All was silent after that.

"Do it Carlisle, she needs peace." It was Bella who spoke. Her voice unclouded like Jasper thought it would be at a time like this. "Thank you." She quietly whispered to him. Bella caught Jasper's now tear filled eyes. "You don't have to stay, I can do it." She walked over again and sat beside him.

Carlisle was almost ready to inject the substance when Charlotte made a quick move and hammered the side of her face into the blankets three times. Bella couldn't hold it together anymore and a sob escaped her lips. Off in the distance the sound of a car radio blaring cut through the silence. It was almost a perfect moment if it weren't for the dying horse.

"_Cowboy take me away. Fly this girl as high as you can, into the wild blue. Set me free, oh I pray, closer to heaven above and closer to you. Closer to you."_

In that moment Bella rested her head on Jasper's shoulder and cried for the loss of her first horse. Jasper wrapped an arm around her shoulders and cried for his mama. The two of them stayed by the mare's side while Edward looked on in awe at what just transpired; looking at Jasper he suddenly had feelings he'd never felt before. With his father by his side he was hesitant to even think about what they meant.

The irony of the song was not lost on Bella, Jasper had done something wonderful for them today and she thought a little humor would lighten the mood, "Just so you know, you are officially the first western rider this farm has seen, _cowboy."_


	4. Chapter 4

_Merry Christmas everyone! And have a Happy New Year! Hope Santa was good to everyone, although in FF World I don't think Santa could give us what we all **really **want...-cough-Jasper-cough-_

_I own nothing...I just reserve the right to mess with SM's characters :P_

_ONWARD!_

**Chapter 3**

The feeling of being connected to another being so closely can only be described with one word: freedom. The wind in your face, the rush of sound past your ears mixing with the rhythmic pounding of hooves and the perpetual forward motion all fuse together to create the feeling that you can fly. The moments that you reach for the reins, place your foot in the stirrup and swing into the saddle all bring you closer to Paradise.

_For one to fly, one needs only to take the reins_.

_Horses lend us the wings we lack._

* * *

It had been less than a week since Jasper brought his horse into the barn and he came to visit her everyday. He would stand in her stall brushing her and talking to her; Jakkar would stand there content, munching on her hay. Bella watched from afar. She saw him a few times, but never had time to stop and talk. She was always teaching a lesson or running here to get this or running there to get that for her father. She wondered why he hadn't ridden yet.

Charlotte's passing wasn't easy; it took a toll on everyone. Even the young kids that took lessons were missing the bay mare whose mane was the longest they'd ever seen. Charlie took the back-hoe out that same day and picked a spot for her among the other plots; he buried her right away but decided to have a service of sorts on a day where everyone that wanted to come could say their goodbyes.

That service was happening in three hours.

Renee had been adamant about getting her a place marker. She just didn't know what she was supposed to put on it. Obviously she had Charlotte's full name, breed and date of birth to date of death, but she wanted something more. Something that would make you happy and sad to read it.

Of course, Renee could only come up with clichés like, 'Run Free' and 'You will gallop through our minds and our hearts'. She was about to give up when Bella told her about how Jasper had stayed with her and about hearing the music.

"That's it! Thank you Bella, I hope you don't mind me using it on her marker?"

Renee hadn't let Bella finish the story. She ran out of the room and called the company to complete her order. Bella worried that Jasper wouldn't want something like that on there, but then she thought about why he would care. He wouldn't. Jasper probably wouldn't even recognize the words. So she pushed the thoughts from her mind and got dressed for the afternoon.

* * *

Edward was constantly thinking about the day that _he _came to Freedom Acres. With his little painted pony and stupid accent. The saddle in the tack room mocked him every time he went in there and to top it off Edward couldn't figure out why he even cared.

_So what, he helped a colicing horse? Who gives a shit?_ Edward thought that Bella looks at him like he hung the moon and she hasn't spoken to him since Monday when it all started. He decided it was because when Jasper asked for blankets he didn't run off right away.

As Edward was thinking, he absently warmed up on his Hanoverian gelding Elliot, they trotted around in the outdoor riding ring. He didn't have a lesson today but needed the distraction of jumping to get his mind to function properly before the service for Charlotte.

In his mind he created the course and executed it. The third time around he was so focused on creating another combination that he didn't hear Jasper approach, even though he clearly spoke to the horse so he wouldn't spook him. Realizing he wasn't alone anymore Edward was conscience of his appearance: in the mid afternoon heat he had shed his outer layers and was wearing only a tight white tee shirt, his hair was sticking to his neck and forehead under his helmet and his gloves were soaked with sweat.

Jasper had stood watching the horse and rider from his perch on the fence for longer than appropriate. He thought the two made an excellent combination. He noticed the rider's strong jaw and how it clenched when he didn't like the outcome of the jump. He watched the gentle movement of the rider's hands with the reins, the comfortable set of his shoulders, his chest flexing through the fabric of his shirt, the way he sat in the barely-there English saddle, the contact his legs made when he chose to sit the canter instead of posting and the tender encouragement as he pushed the gelding over the fence. His horse was beautiful: gentle eyes and hard muscles. Taking each jump was effortless for both of them.

Since the mare died four days ago, Jasper hadn't had a chance to talk to the guy who everyone called Edward. Jasper had decided as soon as he could find him he would set things straight between them. He had found him for sure; Jasper wouldn't forget a face like that. Now that he stood beside them he could see Edward's chest rise and fall.

Out of breath, Edward finally acknowledged Jasper's presence, annoyed that he was being interrupted, "Can I help you?" He regretted his tone as soon as it left his lips.

"Yeah, I wanted to properly introduce myself, since the first time didn't turn out so well." Jasper let his smile fall, "Unless this a bad time and I'm interrupting you."

Edward felt like a dick. This guy had been nothing but nice to him and he had blown him off as some horse and girlfriend thief. "No, sorry, I was just caught up in the course." Edward started to finger off his glove, "I can't get the combo right, I guess."

"I'm Jasper Whitlock." He thrust his hand up into the air so Edward wouldn't have to reach so far down from the tall horse.

Edward wiped his hand on the leg of his jeans, "Edward Cullen." He took Jasper's hand and cringed. "Sorry." He chuckled.

There was a look of disgust on Jasper's face. Edward's hand was still gross with sweat and Jasper wiped his own hand on his jeans. There was an awkward silence between them as they looked at each other. Jasper broke the silence, hoping to be helpful.

"Try the combination again and I'll watch the horse this time." He smirked at Edward.

"What? You were watching already? For how long?" Edward was taken aback. He wasn't mad; he just always felt that when he and Elliot acted as one it was an almost private trust. The bond created between them was such a guarded connection that he didn't like to be watched unless he was aware of the audience. Edward felt naked in front of this, _cowboy_. _What did he mean 'watch the horse __**this time**__'?_

"Only ten minutes. Your horse has a marvelous stride; he's very handsome. Is he a warm blood?" Jasper patted the horse's sweaty neck.

Edward was appalled. "Hanoverian. His name is Elliot. Sorry to cut this meeting short, but I would like to get back to working _on my own_." He asked him to leave as politely as he could, but couldn't stop his thoughts about what Jasper might have been implying with his comments. Could he have been _flirting_?

"Okay, I'm goin' but, try shortening his stride before the first jump and push him a little more after. He's bunching himself up on the landing."

Jasper started walking away before Edward could respond. He may have never been over a jump himself, but it wasn't rocket science; a horse was a horse. He decided as he moved through the barns that he wouldn't go out of his way to be nice to Edward. If he couldn't have one civil conversation with the guy then they must not get along at all.

* * *

The group that had gathered around the marker was fairly large. The Swans and a few of the Cullens, including the Doctor and Edward, and a few of the boarders and riders he recognized from around the barns waited for someone to say something. Jasper walked up and stood just close enough that he would be able to hear and not intrude. Bella had invited him, but he wasn't sure if he was welcome. He didn't even know the horse. His thoughts were interrupted as three giggling girls in breaches and half chaps walked by whispering about him. Jasper just shook his head; he was used to it.

The murmur of the crowd died down as Renee moved to stand beside the marker. "Thank you, everyone, for coming out to show your love for Charlotte. She was nineteen when she coliced and we had to euthanize her." She dabbed at her eyes. Jasper could see Bella standing off to the side with dry eyes. "Some of you have known Charlotte for a long time; others for much shorter, but she seemed to have this ability to see the best in people. She accepted anyone that showed her a shred of attention. This mare had the biggest heart I've ever encountered.

"Charlotte was my first horse; she may not be my last but will always hold a special spot in my heart, in everyone's heart. Charlie and I decided to put in a marker, simply because she deserved it. I would like to acknowledge someone who helped us out in our time of need, Bella is he here?"

Bella blushed and looked around. She spotted Jasper standing at the back. "Jasper, do you mind?" The crowd moved like the parting of the red sea. He just stood there in shock. Bella walked over and grabbed his hand leading him to the front. She tried apologizing with her eyes but he wouldn't meet them.

"As I witnessed my horse going through immense pain and trauma, this boy helped her through the hardest part. His way with horses is unlike anything I've ever seen. I just wanted to thank you for what you did." Renee awkwardly hugged Jasper. He was pink from the tip of his nose to the tops of his ears. "Bella told me that as Charlotte was moving on they heard a song on the radio. That's what inspired me for the engraving." She gestured to the modest stone that was covered by what Jasper assumed to be Charlotte's blanket. "Jasper, would you do the honors?"

Accepting his task he removed the blanket to reveal a beautiful marker. There were oohs and awes throughout the group. Renee continued, "Now would be a great time if anyone wanted to share a story or to just say a few words."

There were tearful goodbyes and colorful stories about the beloved mare. When no one else said anything else, Jasper found his courage. "Renee, Bella, do you mind if I say something?" They both nodded silently. "Renee spoke of knowing Charlotte for a long time and of knowing her for a moment. I may have observed her at her worst, but I could just tell that she lived her life and wasn't scared to leave the world behind. She knew it was her time and I can only respect her more for that. She was loved, and loved well. Someone once said that the love for a horse is just as complicated as the love for another human being...if you never love a horse, you will never understand. And I think you all understand." He stopped speaking then, unable to continue.

Everyone hovered in silence after Renee said a few more words. They walked up to the marker and whispered about the engraving. Jasper hadn't looked at it, afraid of what he knew it said.

Once the crowd was gone, Renee thanked him and Charlie shook his hand. Bella stayed there just staring at the hunk of rock. Jasper wanted Bella to leave so he could break down by himself, but he had no such luck.

"I'm sorry about putting you in the spotlight. I didn't know she was going to do that." She broke the silence with her apology. Jasper said nothing in return. He took a couple of steps toward the tomb stone and traced the words.

'_Cowboy, take me away. Fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue. Set me free oh, I pray, closer to heaven above and closer to you. Closer to you.'_

Jasper couldn't hold back the tears anymore. They silently slipped down his cheeks. Bella didn't know what do, should she comfort him? Should she ask if he wanted to talk about it? She couldn't believe he was so upset about a horse he didn't know, so she assumed it was something else. He now rested his head above his hand on the cold marble trying to get himself under control.

"Bella," Jasper looked up to find a worried expression on the girl's face. "I don't know how to explain to you why I'm like this." He wiped at his bloodshot eyes, removing the fallen tears just in time for new ones to replace them.

"It's okay Jasper; you don't have to tell me. If you need to talk about it I'll listen, but I don't want to pressure you." Bella rubbed his arm soothingly.

"I…I know that you haven't known me very long and the same goes for me about you, but, I don't know this sounds stupid." He started walking back to the barns but turned around abruptly, "I mean, why would I want to share my story with you? I _don't_ know you. For all it's worth this barn could be the worst idea I ever had! Gossip follows my family around like a disease; the amount of whispering that goes on around here…" He was ranting almost to himself and Bella had no idea what he was talking about.

"Jasper,"

"Why? Why did you put my horse in _the family barn_? There are plenty of stalls in the proper barn."

"Jasper!"

"No! I want to know! Are you trying to keep an eye on me or something?" He snapped out of the trance when she shouted. Jasper blinked a couple times and sank to the ground with his head in his hands. He couldn't stop the tears anymore than he could stop the unintended anger. Pulling his knees up to rest his head he remembered Bella's presence. "I'm sorry." He said it in a small voice.

Bella couldn't understand the man before her. He was tall and handsome with a seemingly tough exterior, but on the inside he was hurting. He was in pain and Bella couldn't fathom why. Should she ask him? Wasn't he about to tell her before?

Bella decided then that she was going to put forth the effort to be friends with this torn man. She felt for him and she didn't know why. "Jasper its okay, I can see that you're hurting, but I don't know what you need. I want to help. Maybe we could go back to the barn or even get off the property so that you can calm down and talk about it."

Jasper couldn't comprehend why she was being nice to him. Everyone that knew him or got to know him turned away and left him on his own. His father did it to him; his mama did it unknowingly. His siblings never wanted anything to do with Jasper.

"You say that now. As soon as I start explaining you'll be gone like a spooked foal." His eyes had dried while he thought about what she was offering. "You really want to be my friend?"

"Yes."

"You promise you won't bolt when you know the truth?"

"Of course not! Whatever it is can't be that bad. I mean, it's not like you killed anybody right?"

Bella always turned to humor in tough situations. She stood up, pulling Jasper with her. He was surprised at her forwardness. "Now, you are going to come back tomorrow ready to ride because I have the day off. We are going to take the ponies out and while we're gone we can do whatever we want!"

They started walking back. Bella took Jasper's hand in her own. The silence was comfortable. Jasper wasn't sure what Bella would think when she knew the whole story about him. The way his mama died, how his father gave up and how his sisters and brother turned their backs on him when they finally paid enough attention to him to notice his true nature. Jasper had to admit it to himself: he was scared.

* * *

_Well, there it is. The next chapter is in progress, see ya'll soon.  
Jazz_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hello readers! Finally the next chapter...I'm really happy with this installment so I hope you are too!_

_ONWARD!_**

* * *

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Chapter 4

Edward's brain was waging war within itself. His heart was raging at his brain telling it not to think so much. He couldn't take it anymore; Edward had to talk to someone. There was one person and one person only asserting himself behind his eyelids: Jasper.

He decided while pacing around his room at midnight that he would go to the barn first thing in the morning and talk to Bella. She always made him feel better. But he was worried about what she would think. He was worried about how she would react. _I really hope she doesn't take it personally._

When five thirty rolled around Edward couldn't sit still anymore. He beat his dad into the bathroom and was walking out the door to his truck forty five minutes later.

_What should I say first? Sorry I led you on for this long but I can't stop thinking about someone else? It's not you, it's me? Oh, and by the way I think I'm gay?_

* * *

Jasper pulled up at the house at exactly six o'clock sharp. Bella ran out the door with an armful of stuff so Jasper got out and grabbed some of the blankets so they wouldn't hit the ground.

"I thought you said it was your day off?" Jasper struggled with not dropping them himself.

"It is, but there is always work to be done around here. The one day a week there are no lessons we wash all the saddle pads so they're clean for the next week. It's hard to keep things in order when there are so many riders and horses."

Jasper dropped Bella off at the lesson barn and took off towards his barn. He was greeted with a chorus of whinnies and neighs when he threw open the door. After grabbing an apple from the tack room Jasper headed straight for Jakkar's stall. Taking a bite out of the apple in front of her, the mare snorted at her man. He offered her the rest and she gobbled it up greedily. Jasper went back to the truck to grab the pic nick he brought for their trip. Bella still hadn't come back so he decided to start grooming to pass the time.

When Jasper was younger, he would go out to the barn and brush all the horses because his mama wouldn't let him ride alone. He did everything he could to spend all his time with the horses. Now that Jasper was older he cherished the time even more. After his mama died it took him a month to have enough courage to set foot in the barn. Now you couldn't get him to leave.

Ten minutes went by and Bella was still sorting through blankets. _This is what happens when I ask Renee to do laundry. _Half the blankets weren't even there, so Bella decided she would go back up to the house and get them. She wanted to be done everything before she spent the day with Jasper. Assuming he wouldn't mind, Bella jumped into Jasper's truck and went back to the house. On the way she passed Edward in his truck but he didn't stop. He seemed like he was on a mission to get to the barn.

Edward didn't recognize the truck he passed, so he didn't bother trying to see the driver. Charlie said Bella was at the barn; whether she had left for her ride yet, he wasn't sure. Edward hoped she hadn't. _Maybe we could go out for a ride then I could explain myself. _No sooner did he call Bella's name when he walked through the open door and realized she wasn't here. The only other person who would be in this barn was the family or...Jasper. _I didn't see a vehicle...The truck!_

"Bella?"

"She's not in here." Jasper didn't bother trying to be nice to the person looking for Bella. "The last I saw her was when she went into the lesson barn. She's been gone for twenty minutes now."

Edward didn't blame the guy for being short with him. He had been an asshole every time they crossed paths. "Yeah, I think she was heading back up to the house, was that your truck she was driving?"

"Maybe, we were supposed to be going out for a ride. I picked her up on the way in. I guess I'll just have to wait for her." Edward's hope flew out the window. He would have to wait for them to return.

Not once did Jasper look at Edward, he was still bent out of shape from their last meeting. So when he did look up to see Edward so rattled and rough looking, which was not a usual happening for Edward Cullen. Whenever Jasper had seen him he was always clean pressed in his breeches. This was not the same man; he looked like a tired, lost puppy. And Jasper couldn't help himself, "Are you alright Edward? Is something wrong?"

_You. You are wrong because you will never be mine_. "Ah, yeah, I'm okay. Just need to talk to Bella. I'm sorry I bothered you." Edward turned to leave but was stopped by a hand on his arm.

"Look, if Bella went back to the house she must have forgotten something. If you need to talk, I'm here. I mean, obviously you might not be comfortable talking _to me..._" Jasper stepped out on a limb for Edward one last time. _Mama always said to give people a chance even if they seem like a lost cause. _"I'm no Bella, but, I've had my fair share around the block. Shoot."

Edward opened and closed his mouth three times and spoke nothing. He just stared at Jasper. And Jasper stared right back. Finally the spell was broken when Bella came flying around the corner wailing an apology. "Oh my gawd, my mother is brutal, she totally...Oh. Edward? I passed you on the drive, why didn't you wave?"

"Didn't recognize the truck, I will come back later." He took Bella's hand and kissed her knuckles, "When will you be back?"

Even though Jasper had no claim on Bella, he still got the feeling that Edward was marking his territory. "Um, I don't know, I brought lunch so probably late afternoon. What if I call you and you can come over? I'll help you and Elliot work on the combo." Jasper was definately missing something.

"Okay, see you later." He paused and turned to Jasper, "Thanks, I think."

And he was gone.

"What was that about? He looked awful! Did he say anything to you?" Bella scrunched her nose. "I've never seen him like that." She turned to look at Jasper. He had confusion and a look of relish on his features. He looked a little dazed. "Jasper?"

"Huh? Oh, he was looking for you. Said he wanted to talk, so I offered to listen and he just stared at me." Jasper shrugged and moved back into the stall to finish grooming. "I don't know what his problem is, I introduced myself yesterday and he completely brushed me off, like he was better than me, I hate people like that."

Bella said nothing to this. Was Jasper jealous_? No, of course not. He knows right_? "Hey watch it, that's my boyfriend you're talking about." She pouted through the bars at him, teasing. "You didn't know?"

Jasper reddened. He had no idea; actually, Jasper thought Edward was gay. "No, I just thought he was a good friend. Another rider. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or him. I was just trying to help him." He stepped out of the stall to get his saddle. "Maybe you should start getting ready?"

"Oh shit, yeah! Sorry! And by the way I borrowed your truck!" She shouted as he walked away.

* * *

Thirty minutes, two lunches, one saddle bag and a mile of galloping between the two riders and the barn had settled Jasper and Bella into an easy silence. No one felt the need to speak, but both of them felt the weight of the needed conversations pushing them further into the bush. Jakkar and Nahvar paced together easily. When they slowed to a walk Jasper could almost feel the air moving as Bella took a breath to start the enevitable 'talk'. But she surprised him.

"When I was twelve, the Cullens moved into the county. Dr. Cullen was a single dad raising two boys. The town talked. They always will, but Carlisle didn't care. Neither did Emmett, Edward's older brother, he got married two years ago and moved closer to the city. But Edward, he was, still is, kind of shy and never handled the attention very well. School was awful, the girls were monsters. I mean, you've _seen _him. He didn't want the popularity. So, when I told him we could be shy together, we've been inseparable. Yes, he's a close friend, he's my best friend, he's safe, I'm safe and I think that's why he doesn't understand himself. He puts up this front; it's such a strong willed wall of toughness. He's not good at letting people in. Any relationship he's had they've all used him in some shape or form. He's scared of opening up. I just know there's something that he's not telling me."

Jasper decided he would continue the pattern Bella started, it seemed like a good idea. "When _I _was twelve, my dad, sisters and brother were always on the road. We would have to go on tour with daddy cause we were all still minors. Maria and Victoria would go off and find a rider to follow around for the week; genuine buckle bunnies those two. James would follow daddy around like his shadow, never leavin' his side. Finally when he was old enough dad let James rope with him. James was so bad that daddy told the rest of us that he wouldn't ride with any of the family anymore. James felt terrible cause he knew how bad I wanted to ride. Until he entered himself into the calf ropin' and got real good. He beat daddy to the buckle twice before the accident."

Jasper left out the parts where his dad would come back to the trailer drunker than a skunk, when he would bring girls with him and how he never cared where his oldest and youngest children were. After three years on the road with his father, Jasper learned the art of selective remembering. It didn't help him now though. Bella started with herself on purpose; if she got him talking then she would just keep asking him questions. It worked.

"So, you have three siblings?" She sounded so curious and welcoming. The warning bells started going off in Jasper's brain_. Don't let her too close, it will only hurt you later_. He considered not telling her, but he was tired of hiding. Bella would be the first person that he really opened up to. He hoped the decision wouldn't come back and bite him in the ass.

"Yeah, Maria is the oldest at 27, James is 26, I'm 25 and Victoria is 24. I kinda feel sorry for mama." Jasper smirked to himself_. Poor woman, she must have been busy_. He burst out laughing at his internal comment and tried not to think about what he really just thought.

"What's so funny, cowboy?" Bella couldn't help but laugh herself. He was the random-est person she had ever met; yet she hardly even knew the guy.

"No...I was just thinking...to...myself..." He was almost doubled over in his saddle he was laughing so hard. Jasper finally got out what he was trying to say. "I just felt bad for her, she must have been busy. Having all those babies so close together..."

Silence.

Bella got the joke. She really did, but she couldn't fathom why it was so funny to him.

"I'm sorry, you just had to know mama to_ know_." They were quiet for a while. Only the sound of hooves padding across the packed earth could be heard before Bella started her questioning again.

"Where is she now?"

"She died."

"I'm so sorry, Jasper. What happened?"

Jasper was quiet again_. Don't tell her anything! She doesn't need to know. You're risking everything_. He debated within himself; _don't tell her and this is a wasted trip that makes you look like an asshole, or, tell her and there's no going back._

"I was nine. It was the most beautiful fall morning. Mama was rushin' down to the barn cause Rosie was in foal and was having trouble. I can remember the littlest details of that morning like the blueberry waffles and bacon sitting on the kitchen table, the smell of detergent coming from the laundry room, the sweater mama was wearin' and the prickly feeling it left on my cheek. It all happened so fast. No one but me and mama was home; daddy had the other three for some reason I don't remember.

"Mama had the monitor set up so she could hear. Oddly enough, mama knew even before she heard anything; mother's intuition I guess. She had my boots and coat on so fast that I was still holding the syrup container! I was a sight, wearin' my pj's that had ropes and boots and hats all over 'em. She hauled ass down to the barn. I was so excited to finally be able to see the baby; I grabbed a bucket and flipped it over so I could see what was going on when mama told me I had to stay outside the stall. Over the years I've come to realize what really happened that morning, but at the time my nine year old mind was everywhere."

Jasper had to stop for a second. This was maybe the hardest thing he would have to say because he knew that it wasn't his fault, but he still blamed himself. It was something he would never live without.

"Rosie ended up foaling a breach. Mama helped as best she could. Surprisingly, the filly came out as healthy as possible, but we knew that we would lose Rosie. Nine year old me didn't understand a thing. I was trying not puke at the same time resisting the urge to go find a stick so I could poke the goopy stuff stuck to the baby. Mama was trying to get the filly to latch on at least once before her mama bled out or however she died.

"It gets a bit fuzzy after that. Anyway, mama was in the stall when Rosie started to show signs of pain. She got up really fast and then mama was on the ground. The next thing I know, I'm standing with the stall door open trying to drag mama out. Well, I couldn't move her. I remember through the tears she tried to get up at first; she was well enough to move herself. But Rosie started snorting and pawing. She was protecting her foal. So, mama tried to protect me."

Bella had tears in her eyes. She was pretty sure Jasper did as well.

"All I remember after that was watching Rosie as she threw herself down and slam her head repeatedly into the ground. I can still see the look in her eyes. That's how I knew about Charlotte."

At some point they had both stopped in the middle of the trail.

"Oh my God..."

"They told me after that Rosie had headbutted mama so hard that it moved her brain inside her skull. She died instantly."

"What happened to the mare and filly?" Bella sniffled into her sleeve. Jasper wiped at his cheek.

"Rosie died shortly after. Apparently I stood in the barn for an hour before Maria came down and found me." Jasper smiled now. It was teary but he couldn't be prouder than he was to tell Bella about the filly. "As for the foal, I'm sittin' on her right now."

* * *

They had been gone two hours. Edward had gone up to the house after he left the barn and sat in the kitchen with Charlie.

Charlie hadn't liked Edward at first; at the time he wasn't even dating Bella, so he never understood what the problem was. But the more time Edward spent thinking about it the more paranoid he got_. Maybe Charlie already knew. What if he said something to Dad? Am I that obvious? What if everyone knew, but me_?

"What's got you so shook up, son? You look like shit." Charlie's words made Edward jump a little. He hadn't noticed Charlie put his paper down and get up to refill his coffee.

"Oh, nothing. I just didn't sleep much. I guess I'm a little shook up still from the whole funeral thing."

"It wasn't a funeral, Edward, it was a _memorial service."_ Edward didn't hear Renee come in either until she spoke over his shoulder and pecked him on the cheek.

Renee was like the mom he never had, but she was way better because she wasn't. When Edward was first dragged to the farm with his father, he hated it. He may have been raised in the country but, the two years he spent in the city were the highlight of Edward's short childhood. He longed for tall buildings and sports cars. So, when he met Renee they bonded over their shared dream. When Renee met Charlie they got married right away and moved to the farm. She hated living in the middle of nowhere; Charlie loved it. So, to keep Renee busy, Charlie bought her a horse and she fell in love again. Despite her location she had no problem being cheerful. Hanging around such a sunny person all the time, it was almost impossible to not feel it too. She was the cool mom because she didn't act like a mom, she was your friend. Edward had always been able to talk to her.

Not now though. This epiphany was too much for even Renee to handle.

"So, you're here. By yourself. Where's Bella?" Renee questioned as she filled her own cup of coffee.

Edward had to smirk. "She, is out for a ride with Jasper Whitlock. They left just after I got here, so I'm hanging around for her."

Renee smiled and Charlie chuckled. "Nice kid, from what I've seen of him. Have you talked to him much?"

This was the exact kind of conversation Edward was trying to avoid. "Not much, he did introduce himself to me when I was working Elliot. I was kind of in the zone so I think I was a little short with him. I was surprised that he waited so long to ride."

"Poor guy, having to deal with all that gossip, it's almost as bad as the celebrities. The only thing I don't get is that he was never talked about much. You _always _heard about the older brother and the sisters, but never him. Group three yesterday was really bad; they were talking about his dad and all the terrible things that have happened since his accident. Then, they started on about Jasper with stuff like _he was disowned because he killed his mother _or _he let her die_, something like that. Silly girls, they'll believe anything. I'd like to get to know him; I'm very grateful that he helped out last week."

As Renee talked about Jasper, Edward's mind wandered. The direction his thoughts took made him sick in the presence of his second parents.

"Oh dear, you don't look so good." Renee started fussing over him. "Maybe you should go have a lie down. Just go ahead into Bella's room. If you're still not feeling well when she gets back I'll send her up."

With a kiss to the forehead, Renee sent Edward up the stairs.

He lay down on his back and stared at the ceiling because closing his eyes made him feel bad. What made him feel worse was the fact that he was in Bella's house, in her bed and thinking about another man.

* * *

Bella couldn't stop the words that come out of her mouth after Jasper told her about the horse.

"Holy fuck."

Her horse snorted and stomped his foot as if to chastise her for the language she used.

Jasper just smirked. Then he clucked to Jakkar and started moving again. Bella followed silently until they came to a clearing with a large corral.

"We can stop here, Dad put this up for me years ago. I liked to come out here and go swimming in the summer but never had a place to tie the horse. The lake is just beyond that treeline." She dismounted smoothly and headed for the gate of the corral. Jasper hadn't jumped down yet. He manuvered Jakkar to block Bella's path.

"Is it so hard beleive that I could love this horse? My own mother died trying to save the filly; the filly's mother died trying to protect her foal. They had the same mission. So, two lives ended to salvage one. Why should she be pushed aside when they worked so hard; when they sacrificed themselves to help her live? My mama _died _trying to protect _me. _I owe it to them to take care of Jakkar."

Jasper was far too emotional for his liking. He was on the verge of tears again and his hands were shaking uncontrollably. His rant had left him breathless and he was worried that he had said too much. Jasper dismounted on unsteady legs. He turned to Bella, waiting for her reply.

"Look, Jasper, I didn't know what to think let alone what to say. Why? Why keep the horse if not because you felt the need to raise it?" Bella's question was easy for Jasper to answer.

"Simply because. The fact the she was mine from the start only solidified raising her. Jakkar is my way of vicariously keeping my mama around. When I ride Jakkar, it's like she's here with me, riding Rosie beside us. I find peace when I'm riding; no one can reach me, I have no responsibilities, no worries, just be myself and I can leave everything on the trail behind me. I carry no blame when I'm in the saddle."

"Blame? You don't honestly _blame yourself _for the death of your mother do you?" Bella scoffed and pushed Jasper out of the way. She took off Nahvar's bridal and let him loose in the corral.

"Yes and no." Jasper followed Bella's lead and removed Jakkar's bridal, giving her a pat before letting her go.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? It was an accident! Anyone would come to that conclusion hearing that story. You were _eight, _how were you supposed to react?" Bella stalked toward the tree line, not bothering to see if Jasper was following her. She was livid. And she could reason with herself as to why.

But Jasper was just as angry; with Bella's response and his own need to justify himself to this girl. "Yeah, I was eight. I was an eight year old who watched his daddy slap his older sister around and didn't do anythin' about it. Maria wouldn't take shit from no one, let alone him, so he started drinkin'. His career started goin' to shit so he pushed James around until he started hittin' back. I was a nine year old that let him continue. His riding worsened, the drinking made it better for him. So, when he started hitting Vicky I still didn't know what to do. By age ten my older brother wouldn't listen to me when I told him what was going on. None of them would talk to me. It's like they knew what I was, what I was to become. As we all grew up, started becoming adults my siblings turned their backs on me because they knew. Nothing I did, nothing I ever could have said would have stopped them from ignoring me! They hated me because I was the only one Daddy didn't push around. Not once did he lay a hand on me. He always said, 'You look just like your mama, the blue eyes, curly hair. Hell, you even ride just like her!' He didn't have to say why he never hit me, it was obvious, but what was more obvious was why he couldn't stand to look at me let alone to slap me. He knew and it excited him to have that one thing against me." Jasper was breathing heavily after everything was said, Bella had stopped and turned around.

Confusion was plain on her face as she asked Jasper the loaded question, "What do you mean, 'they knew', Jasper, what does that mean? I don't get it. What could have possibly made your family hate you?"

He was quiet now. Jasper stayed silent for as long as he could, saying anything to stall Bella, just to give her enough time to figure it out on her own. So he didn't have to say it. "You don't know? How can you not guess? Bella, sometimes the gossip is true."

"No Jasper, I don't know. Maybe you could explain it to me. I don't listen to the gossip, I don't care what people say. Maybe I'm not quick enough to get it, so could you maybe spit it out!" Bella's anger bubbled over. She was pissed because Jasper just expected her to know.

But his muffled reply and quiet tears washed it away in a heartbeat.

"What if you leave too? Like the rest of them. I know you're not like that, but, I don't think I could handle if you regret your decision to be my friend."

Bella moved towards Jasper slowly. He left himself wide open after his speech and Bella didn't want him to close up on her. "It's okay, I won't leave; I won't run. When I said I was going to get to know you, I meant it. The good, the bad and the ugly. Now, where does this information rate? Good, bad, or ugly?"

Jasper scoffed, "Ugly doesn't even begin to cover it. It's the worst possible thing you could hear, besides the killing someone theory." Jasper found his hands being held by Bella's small ones. Her firm grip solidifying his decision to tell her.

"Okay, here goes: I've known since the age of twelve that I'm..."

"It's alright, Jasper, saying it will make you feel better."

"Bella, I'm gay."

* * *

_There ya' go kids. Another chapter down. Whatcha' think?  
Catch ya'll on the flip side!_

_[Jazz]_

_P.S. If anyone is having trouble with the horsey lingo, feel free to ask! It can be confusing at times..._


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